mimsy and outgrabe

Well this is a shit-show, isn't it? I don't have any eloquence for what has been occurring all over the world for the past month, but it's bizarre how the past two weeks have changed our everyday routines. And by changed I mean upended. Smashed. Eradicated. This isn't necessarily a bad thing in and of itself -- the cause is horrific, naturally, but the actual change, up until this point, for me, has been strangely comforting. When there's a terrifying physical threat to humanity at large, I've found solace in sheltering-in-place with my cubs (or perhaps more apt, piglets, because goddamn my poor house is a wreck, and it was a wreck to begin with). We've had our moments of strain, naturally -- you can't have five people in each other's company 24-14 and be happy and shiny for every hour of the quarantine. But we've tried to make the best of it. Up until now, existence has been kind of dreamlike: not idealistic, like a goal you h...

Last year I didn't publish my resolutions publicly, or post such lengthy reflections, either -- but I did do the reflecting, and I drafted some resolutions, too, and wrote them down on an index card which I kept at the front of a file holder on my desk, which occupies one corner of our living room. I thought that each time I sat down to write or check email I'd see my little index card and be reminded of the important things, the things I'd deemed important enough to write down, and that I'd work (more) actively to stay true to those resolutions. Of course, one of my resolutions should have been to "keep a tidier house," but it wasn't, and as I only really act when my actions have been dictated by an official list, my desk stayed buried under several inches of piled paper (miscellaneous pages of catalog, things identified as "to read" but rarely read, misplaced bills, and returned school/artwork from the kiddos), and so I didn't use my...

Well, yesterday morning did not go smoothly. I managed to get out of the house by 7:05 a.m., with the kids, too , (they were really so good for me!) but after dropping them off at Grandma's and then driving all the way to the hotel where the conference was located, I discovered that I'd left my phone at home -- and I still had to call my neighbor about looking in on Sir New Guy during the day. Nice. I couldn't find a place to park at first and so I arrived at the conference in the nick of time and without an ounce of food in my belly. So I did the only thing a hormonal, batshit crazy girl could do -- I went into one of the very private (thankfully) bathroom stalls and had a slightly hysterical cry, which made my sleep-deprived eyes redder than they already were but went a long way toward making me feel better. Sometimes you (I) just need that kind of release. The rest of the day progressed fairly well. I didn't get in touch with the neighbor, but my mother-i...